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如果聖誕老人是位工程師(中英對照)

他不會到購物中心,並讓孩子們坐在他腿上來告訴他聖誕節想要什麼禮物,因為這樣做的效率太低且不精準(需求)。相反的,他會寫一款應用程式,讓孩子們透過互聯網和手機可以提交產品推薦,並與電商的連結一起。這些數據會在雲端匯集,高折扣大批量的購買。

He wouldn’t visit malls and have kids sit on his lap to tell him what they wanted for Christmas, because that’s so inefficient and inexact. Instead, he’d write an app for the web and mobile devices where kids could enter specific product suggestions, along with links to online merchants. This data would be aggregated in the cloud to enable large, bulk purchases at steep discounts.

儘管他的總部還留在北極,全年大部分時間裡,聖誕老人會在全球各地的咖啡廳和沙灘上「遠端工作」,那兒的氣候與咖啡是較不痛苦的。(相對於北極的寒冷枯燥,要讓人享受的多。)

While his headquarters would remain in the North Pole, Santa would “work remotely” for most of the year from cafés and beaches across the globe, where the weather and coffee was less miserable.

他不會孩子他們想要的,而是充分利用空間。那會有很多的禮品卡,更少的自行車。

He wouldn’t give the kids what they want, but would instead optimize for space. There would be a lot more gift cards and a lot fewer bikes.

他不必重複檢查好孩子/壞孩子的禮物清單,因為他只需要模組測試來證明結果(清單上內容)是否正確。

He wouldn’t have to check the Naughty/Nice list twice because he’d have unit tests to verify that the results were correct.

他不會親自送禮物給孩子;他會寫腳本並交給腳本去執行。他會在全球各地建立數據中心,來分擔負荷量,同時發送禮物,使得各個時區同步,最大化生產量的同時降低等待時間。

He wouldn’t deliver all the gifts manually; he’d write a script to do it. He’d set up data centers throughout the world to distribute the load and parallelize delivery, synchronizing per time zone and maximizing throughput while minimizing latency.

他不會讓馴鹿來拉自己的雪橇,他會使用大量的四軸飛行器,這不是因為它們飛的比馴鹿更好,而只是因為它們看起來必較酷(且不凌亂)。另外,GoPro運動相機拍攝的影片是更加地穩定的。

He wouldn’t have reindeer pull his sleigh. He’d have a legion of quad copters doing the work, not because they’re better than flying reindeer, but just because they’re a lot cooler (and not as messy). Also, the GoPro videos are a lot more stabilized.

他不會雇用魯道夫(Rudolph)來替雪橇嚮導,相反,他會戴上有地理位置數據的夜視鏡,因為那樣令人驚嘆。另外,魯道夫是個愛慕虛榮的人,團隊裡只能有一個這樣的人。

He wouldn’t have Rudolph guide his sleigh because he’d use night vision goggles with geo-location data overlays, because it would be awesome. Besides, Rudolph’s a prima donna, and there’s only room on the team for one of those.

他不會去穿紅色毛大衣,因為那樣對皮毛的來源太殘忍了。他可能穿一件T恤,或許上面會印上一個 比如「Ho Hum」的標語。不過在他的路程他還是需要一件暖和的大衣,所以他很可能會在REI 訂購一件羊毛外套和毛帽(上頭繡著「pom-pom」)。

He wouldn’t wear a red fur coat, because that’s cruel to whatever red animal it came from. He’d probably wear a t-shirt, maybe with an ironic slogan on it, like “Ho Hum.” But he’d need a warm coat for the ride, so he’d probably get a fleece shell from REI and a hipster beanie (with an ironic pom-pom).

本文翻譯自 Chet Haase 的文章
圖片修改自 Chet Haase 的文章
請支持原創。

詳細全英版本請至作者原文參考。


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